Fuse Box
by all-the-years
Summary: "A lot of energy, in this case, stress, has overloaded the circuit and now the energy isn't flowing because it's been cut off." Michelangelo may not know a whole lot about how a circuit breaker works, but he does know how much he loves his big brother. When that brother, in the wake of grief, develops a blinding rage, Mikey is going to do what he can to help bring his brother back.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hi guys! Back with another story! For those of you who reviewed and liked _In Celebration of Us_ , thank you so much! I so enjoyed writing that story and am thrilled many of you enjoyed it as well.

I recently had the first half of my wisdom teeth extraction done and have been working on _Fuse Box_ while recovering. My goal for this piece was to originally be a one shot, but when I still wasn't done after almost 6000 words and had much more story to go, I knew it needed to be broken up into chapters.

As always, I hope you enjoy the story! Please review with your thoughts. I do find it helpful when writing to know how people feel about the story! Now, onward to the meat!

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT.

"All I'm saying is that you need to cool down!"

"I don't take orders from you!"

"Nobody is saying that it's an order, just reality! You're out of control right now!"

Out of control like this fight was becoming.

Michelangelo groaned deeply as he looked up towards the ceiling. He had been tucked away in his room for almost an hour at this point. Regardless of the many ways he tried to, it was impossible to drown the voices out. One voice trying to be heard while the other just roared. His two eldest brothers' verbal warfare volleyed back and forth.

It started simply because of the growing concern for the angry brother.

"You have NO right to lecture me on being out of control." Another snarl came through the closed door. The statement was pure acid, and Mikey was sure that it had eaten a hole right through the door as it made contact. He peeked through his fingertips to see that, despite his confidence, the solid wood had remained intact.

"Leo, bro, I'm just worried about you." Raph's voice was soft, but it may as well have been a shout to Mikey, and it made him sit up straight. His brother's voice echoed something unusual for the turtle. Gentle and taken aback. It sounded… hurt. Apparently, the acid had done some damage after all.

"Yeah, well, how about you worry about keeping away from me." Leo's voice was low and threatening as he let off another spiteful round. Mikey heard a solid _thwack_ from the punching bag, followed by a _slam_ of the dojo doors. Next thing Mikey could hear was the muffled, albeit angry, sounds of Leonardo training.

Just like he had been for the last three weeks.

Heaving another sigh, Michelangelo slowly rose from his bed and stealth to his door. He didn't want to make any unnecessary noise. The three younger brothers were walking on the proverbial eggshells, and while Mikey probably wasn't going to set Leo off by just coming out of his room, he didn't want to chance cracking an egg.

Opening his door, the youngest peered out into the hallway. He was greeted by the sight of his brothers' bedroom doors, closed and uninviting. He scanned the length of the hallway, just have his eyes fall on the last door at the end of the hall. Mikey bit his lip as he looked at the final door.

The door that belonged to his Father.

The father that was now gone.

Rubbing his eyes again, Mikey headed toward the main living area to survey the damage. When he got to the end of the hallway, he could see Raphael sitting on the couch, slumped forward with his head in his hands. Donnie was next to him, resting his chin on top of his folded arms that rested on the couch back. D's eyes looked hollow, no, worse. They looked defeated.

"Hey, guys." Mikey's voice was meek at best and felt like a pretty lame start after such a verbal beat down from the eldest. Raph merely blew out a big breath, and Michelangelo caught a hint of a growl towards the end of it. A sure sign that Raph was stuck somewhere between confusion and losing his patience. Now the trick was waiting to see which would win out. After the agonizing hour Raphael had just gone through, he had probably earned the right to blow his own top. However, after a moment, he replied just as meekly as Mikey had moments before.

"He's unhinged." Patience had won out. Mikey looked over to the doors where the rampaging eldest laid. It was an alternate reality, it had to be. It was the only thing to explain the current state of the union.

"Well, unhinged is probably the right word for it," Donnie said flatly "But what are we going to do? Leo just won't listen, it's like he's locked himself away. He just hasn't been the same since… _dad_." The last word barely fell out of Donnie's mouth.

"And how is that fair to us? We lost our father too!" Raph quickly shot back. He kept it low, not wanting the conversation to carry too far, but you could hear the familiar hotness he so often carried. The patience had barely won it seemed.

Mikey sadly looked at his brothers, suddenly feeling very lost. What could they do? Leonardo, the least ballistic, the most even-keeled, the most mature of them, really hadn't been the same since Sensei had died. First, he was just a walking cloud of grief. It hadn't gone unnoticed by his brothers, just accepted because they were all like that. Then it switched back into high stakes mode with the realization that the Shredder was still, impossibly, alive. Then, at last, the family tasted sweet, final victory. Mikey could still see clearly Leo walking from the smoke and the haze of the fire that had broken out, the Kuro Kabuto in his hand, announcing the finality of their victory. His eyes fierce and hard. Mikey thought it was so cool, his brother, looking like the part of the grizzled war hero. They had fought against the odds, and there his big brother stood, representing the glory and honor of what they had accomplished. It was like a scene out of a movie.

The day or two that followed, Leonardo seemed to experience the briefest sense of relief. He was tired and still weighed with grief, but again, nothing that the rest of them weren't experiencing. Not much had been said in those couple of days. The four of them had bunkered down in the lair to recuperated and process the recent events.

Then came on the raging storm. It had happened out of nowhere, while they were sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. Donnie had asked a simple question that Mikey couldn't even remember now. Something about what Leo wanted him to do about the hooey-what-sit. The generator maybe? The usual techno-babble that Mikey tuned out effortlessly. What he couldn't tune out was Leo's response to their brother.

" _I don't know, genius! That's what you're for!"_ It had stunned all of them, even Raph. Raph normally would have spoken his mind, _loudly_ , at Leo for being such an unnecessary jerk. But it was almost as if Leo himself hadn't said it because it wasn't necessarily what he said but _how_ he said it. In all their lives they had never heard him say something so venomous to any of them. The word dripped with almost pure… hatred. The four of them remained in silence for the rest of the meal. After which, Leo secluded himself in the dojo and practiced for hours on end.

At the time, the three of them rationalized the uncharacteristic outburst due to the fact that Leo was now adjusting to his role as leader of the home, not just the team. The brothers had lost their ballast, and Leo was the one who was expected to fulfill the humongous hole that Splinter left. The three youngest knew this was a difficult transition for their brother. To Mikey, it also felt unfair. Raph, Donnie and himself could continue being normal teenagers who missed their father. Leo now had their weight on his shoulders with no one for him to look to.

Yet, to their disappointment, the outburst was not a single incident. The anger had not only continued, it grew worse. Leo became sullen, isolated, unwilling to participate in the normal day to day. Donnie and Mikey one night had tried to draw him out with the promise of a _Space Heroes_ marathon but all that served to do was to get a very agitated Leonardo to go on about how he didn't have time for such trash because of his need to train. Another night, Raph offered to go to with him on his topside training run, but without skipping a beat Leo shot the idea down, saying that Raph would only slow him down. After that, Raph had gone about his normal tactic of butting heads with Leo, purposefully pushing his buttons. That lasted for about four days before it they all realized that Leo was actually relishing the combativeness. After that, Raph switched gears completely. Just like Leo had become this tyrannical ball of fury, Raph had become even-tempered and calm. When Donnie had asked him why the drastic change in his normal ballistic nature, Raph simply shrugged and told him that he knew what it was like to be consumed by anger. He also knew, he admitted, how helpful it was to have a voice of reason.

That first sign of rage had been three weeks to the day, and now it took next to nothing to set Leo off. Tonight's argument was proof of that. Leo had been brooding over a cup of tea in the living area, a rare sight since the nightmare began. Raph had approached him, wanting to tell his older brother that he was there if he wanted to talk. Leo's psycho transformation had been impossible for all of them but had clearly been the worse for Raph. Despite the way that they often butted heads, Raph and Leo were actually very close. Sure, it had been awkward, if not awful, between them when Splinter had chosen Leo to be the leader. Their relationship was strained for a long time. For reasons Mikey never understood. They could both be just so damn competitive, he supposed that Raph couldn't help but feel like he lost to Leo what they had both trained for over time. But it all changed after Leo's coma. It was like it woke Raph up and he remembered what life was like before the power struggle, how tight he and his eldest brother had been. Confidants, allies, _friends_. It's why during that time as Leo laid battered he never left his side. And when Leo finally did awake, a new care for him developed in Raph and it remained. Raph finally found peace with not only Leo's leadership but also his own place on their team. And now, seeing his older brother losing it, when he also was hurting so badly, was slowly killing him.

"I hate being in this position," Raph muttered. Mikey focused his mind back to his older siblings. Raphael hasn't moved a muscle since Mikey came into the room, still sitting slumped and loose, almost like a rag doll. Raph continued "Is this how it feels for him? When I'm angry? Because it sucks."

"Nah brah, this is different. Leo's definitely un… hedged?" Mikey found the word fit oddly in his mouth, realizing that he wasn't sure if he had ever heard it before. He had definitely never said it before.

Thankfully, Donatello came to his rescue. "Unhinged Michael. It means that Leo's mentally unbalanced."

"Say what?"

Donnie sighed "Think of it like a fuse has popped. Remember when I showed you how that worked when you first tried to set up the entertainment system in your room? A lot of energy, in this case for Leo, stress, has overloaded the circuit and now the T.V isn't working because it's been cut off the energy it needs." Donnie knew it wasn't a perfect analogy, but it would suffice for the baby of the family.

"So…" Mikey stuck his tongue out, trying to follow D's train of thought. He rubbed his chin a few times before snapping his fingers "So the fuse box needs to be check!"

Raph snorted "Yeah dingus, but how do you expect to check the fuse box on Lame-o-nardo? Crack open his shell, see if he really is a heartless piece of metal after all?" Raph had started off strong, but his voice got weaker, almost cracking, as he continued through his rant.

"You don't mean that Raph." Donnie spoke gently as he put his hand on the back of Raph's shell. Raph's body heaved up and down once, silent, but obviously fighting for control over his own emotions.

"The hell 'I don't'," He breathed "Why shouldn't I? I've been trying to reach him for weeks now. Yelling is doing no good. Patience is doing no good. Giving him space is doing no good. It's only going to go so far before I blow a "fuse" myself and kill him for being such a damn jerk! He won't listen to me. He won't listen to you. He doesn't listen to anyone!" Another heave of his shell. When he sagged back down, his posture seemed more dejected than thought possible of the stubborn brother. Mikey's face fell, his heart full of hurt. This really was taking a hefty toll on Raph.

Mikey looked up at the dojo, then back to his two immediate older brothers. He bit his lip and looked back at the dojo. The shuffling from behind the sealed doors was fierce, quick, and unyielding. Mikey swallowed. Ironically, he was going to step on an egg after all.

"I guess it's my turn to try."


	2. Chapter 2

For the first time since Mikey entered the room, Raph snapped his head up and looked directly at him. At first, his eyes looked at him widely, then they narrowed. Mikey swallowed again, feeling the burn of Raph's glare making him more nervous than he already was.

"What do you mean 'your turn'?" Raph's voice was even as he spoke, which freaked Mikey out more. It was the way Leo would say things when he was trying to clearly understand what he was hearing. It was annoying coming from Leonardo, it was unnerving coming from Raphael.

"Imma, uh, going to talk to him?" Well, that sounded convincing. Mikey looked over at Donnie, who had now assumed Raph's previous posture of his head in his hands. The brainy turtle blew out a big breath after Mikey spoke and spread his fingers just enough, so he could peer at him through them. Mikey could see in his eyes the panic that was signature of Donnie. Not reassuring. From the corner of his eye, Mikey could see Raph draw his shoulders back as he straightened his posture. Mikey was starting to think he was in a bad sci-fi movie and his brothers had actually switched bodies.

"Listen to me Mikey, you can't talk to him. First off, he's totally jacked up from my 'conversation' with him. Which, by the way," Raph jutted a pointed finger in Mikey's direction "Almost turned into a brawl. Secondly, he isn't listening to anybody. All you're going to be setting yourself up for is a beatdown." Raph's eyes remained narrow and had a seriousness to them, but Mikey could also see a glistening in them. His control was breaking, dangerously close to tears.

That did it. Suddenly Mikey found that his nervousness disappeared and had been replaced with a fire in his core. This crazy, crappy Leo charade needed to end, _now._

"Well, that's because he is used to you getting in his face 'bout things. And D here has been known to tussle with Leo. But I never call him out on things, never seriously anyway. I think he'd listen just because he'd be surprised. Besides, I'm pretty over this beyond pissed off Leo phase."

"Mikey Raph is right, Leo is just going to beat the tar out of you. Can't you hear him in there? If you're going to do something crazy, at least wait until he's done." Donnie had stood up now and walked over to him, grasping his right shoulder firmly to make his point. Michelangelo just shook his head.

"No. Now. I'm done D. This place has become such a draaaaaag." Mikey drooped his whole body as he drew out the "a" in drag, showing his characteristic childish charm for a split second. He gave it another beat before he straightened himself up and looked his brother dead in the eye. "I'm fired up Donnie. I'm tired of the way things have been. Things are a bummer enough without Leo being self-destructive." He paused for a beat and looked at Raph. "That's totally where he's at, right? Leo's hurting like we are, probably even worse. I mean, look what got dumped on him overnight. Sensei knew how to keep our dumb asses in line. Sure, Leo would wrangle us out on patrol and missions, but he could come home and switch off before, let Sensei take a turn. Because news flash, we wouldn't argue with him like we would with Leo. Now it is all Leo's job, 24/7, on top of missing dad. That's gotta do something to the melon, yo. I don't wanna sit tight hoping he snaps out of it. Because what if he doesn't?"

Raph held Mikey's stare for what felt like an eternity. Mikey could tell Raph was sizing him up, thinking through what he had just heard. Normally, Mikey would wither under such careful scrutiny. But not this time. This time, Mikey could only think of how much he loved his older brother. How much he missed his father and the fear that if he didn't do something right this minute that they might lose Leo to this new dark side, forever.

Finally, Raph dropped his head down and sighed before waving a hand towards the dojo doors. Mikey looked at his immediate older brother, who was biting his lip. Eyes still wide, but full of understanding, he nodded. With the permission from both of his brothers, he headed for the door.

Each step Michelangelo took, the sounds of his brother's madness grew louder. Hissing could be heard, evidence of angry breathes being released through each movement. Mikey approached the door cautiously, placing his right hand on the wooden frame. He drew in a cleansing breath, took one last look at his weary brothers behind him. He flashed them a cheeky smile and winked as he slid open the door.

When Mikey looked into the dojo, he could see Leonardo in its center, working through a kata with his twin blades. Mikey was surprised to see that the kata lacked the perfect precision that was customary of his brother. The movements weren't fluid, they were rushed and sloppy. Leo's arms moved wildly, and his feet stumbled. His swords looked awkward in his hands, a sign that Leo wasn't gripping them properly. It looked as if he didn't know what to do with them.

Mikey was also positive Leo had no idea he had come into the dojo. Total lack of focus from Mr. Ninjutsu Perfection.

"Hey, Leo." Mikey started off brightly. Leo froze at the sound of his voice. Slowly, he dropped his arms to his side as he straightened up, casting his vision towards his brother. Leo's eyes looked at him harshly, accusing him of interrupting something sacred. Mikey cocked his eye to the side and smiled broadly at Leo, raising a hand to do a cute little wave at him.

 _Going to start off as I normally would. Let's see how he reacts._

Coldly. He reacted coldly.

"Get out Michelangelo." Flat, uncaring. Leo almost sounded mechanical. Mikey frowned at that. When was the last time he heard any kind of light in his brother's voice?

But, Mikey wasn't going to let that question distract him. "No."

Leo's look became sharper, eyes squinting tighter, his lips curling. He took a defensive stand, regaining a proper hold on his katanas. "What do you mean no? I said get out."

"No Leo." Mikey pulled out his kusarigama, allow the chain to drop to the floor, posing himself to be ready "I wanna have a talk with ya." Mikey began swinging the chain. Leo bared his teeth.

"I said Get. Out. Now."

"Make me."

At the challenge of his words, Leonardo let out a howl of rage and charged. Mikey deftly swooped to the side, coming into the center of the dojo. Leo's rage was making him sluggish in mind and body, and Mikey had repositioned himself to see that Leo still hadn't registered his move. He also caught a glimpse of the dojo door cracked open slightly, and a flash of red and purple peeked through. Somethings never changed- you could always count on some brother spying in when something serious was happening in this room. It briefly made Mikey smile.

When Leo realized Mikey was gone from his previous position, the eldest merely spun around, eyes searching frantically for his kid brother. Eyes laid on him and it shook Mikey to the core. They were blue like Leo's. They were wide like Leo's. They were framed by the blue bandana like Leo's. But they were filled with something foreign to Leo.

Hate.

Sadden, Mikey stood he ground and waited for him to come.

"You have been a total jerk, you know that Leo? For what?" Leo snapped at the words and ran towards him. Mikey merely waited, known Leo wasn't thinking clearly. When he got close enough he dropped down and dodge to the side, extending his leg enough to cause his brother to trip. Leo fell with an unceremonious thud.

"Like seriously dude, I have no idea!" Leo rolled over. "But it hasta stop brah." Leo jumped up and charge. Mikey spun out of the way and cracked his chain over his shell. Another thud, this time accompanied with painful heaving. "I mean, I miss Sensei too. We all do. You're not alone, so let us help. We know how you feel!"

Leo rolled over again, his eyes full of fury. "You have no idea how I feel Mikey." Leo stood up but didn't move, just stood squarely 10 feet away from his brother. Leo threw up another angry wall. Mikey tried to reach out and Leo was shutting it down. Freaking unbelievable.

"Oh, yeah, no idea Leo." He snorted derisively. "You're right. D, Raph and I didn't also lose our dad. We have zero idea what that is like." Leo gripped his katanas tightly and growled. Mikey didn't wait to see what he'd do.

"Or, are you talking that we have no idea what it is like to be a huge ass? Because that's all you have been Leo. A gigantic pain in the ass. Raph has been so weird man! He's been nothing but patient with you, good to you. Not his usual whackbag self. While you, on the other hand, have been here playing a psycho. What's the deal man?"

"You don't have the same pressure I do!" Leo spat, spittle flying from his lips.

"Yeah, that's another thing that has been bothering. I love dad, a freaking lot Leo. I never once questioned his decisions, until now." Mikey stood ready, known the possible outcome of what he was about to say.

"Mikey, don't" Leo threaten.

"Don't what? Tell you what a shitty thing dad did to you? All the pressure he's put on you?"

"Don't you dare talk about dad." The rise of his blades.

"No, you listen! You're going to kill yourself by being this way! When is the last time you ate, or slept, huh? I know dad wanted to protect us, wanted to make sure we'd be cared for when he was gone. And I get it, you're the oldest. You're the one whose head isn't all over the place. That's why Dad's expectations were different for you. But jeez Leo, like, you didn't get to be a real teenager. Since day one of breaking the surface, you got pushed harder and hard. The more dangerous it got, the high the expectation was for you. How is that even freaking fair? And for what? A stupid fear dad had of us not being able to take care of ourselves when he was gone? Your seventeen. You're still a kid, like us. We should be figuring this out together." Mikey stared fiercely at Leo, making sure he had his brother's full attention. "Dad's fear warped you, Leo."

After the words came out of his mouth, Michelangelo could see it, something snapped in his brother's eyes. His pupils contracted, and an electrical charge surged through his blue orbs. Time suddenly stood still, and Mikey was caught in his brother's chaos breaking loose. Instantly, Leo's skilled training returned to him, and he sprung towards Mikey with his normal grace and frightening speed. Before Mikey could register what was happening, how to block him, Leo's katana bit into the side of his plastron.

Hamato Leonardo had finally lost complete control.

Mikey gasped as he crumpled to the floor, feeling the blade slip out of where it was lodged. He saw that Leo took several stumbling steps back and was breathing raggedly. Mikey could also hear the frantic shuffling of his brothers outside the dojo doors. He brought his hand where his wound laid. He was bleeding a bit and the pain was sharp, but he could already tell that it wasn't all that bad. Probably needed stitches but not life-threatening.

But Michelangelo was willing to milk it for all it was worth. Mikey laid on the floor in a crumpled heap, clutching his side and putting forth his best whimpering. He peered an eye towards Leo, who looked visibly ashen. The katanas left his hands and let out a loud clatter as they hit the floor. Next thing the youngest heard was the broken whisper of his brother's voice.

"Mikey… I… no!" Leo rushed towards him. Mikey could hear Raph in the back tearing opening the door and barking out a " _Don't touch him!_ ", making his own dash towards their little brother. But Leo got to Mikey first.

Exactly as Mikey was hoping.

As Leo approached him, Mikey drew his right leg back into himself before thrusting it full force, contacting Leo's plastron. He winched at the motion, as it aggravated the cut. But the kick was solid. It promptly tossed Leo back and threw him down on his bottom, blinking with astonishment at the ambush the baby of the family laid for him. Raph and Donnie had both made their way to Mikey by now. He absently heard the fuss they were making over him, the criticisms they were shouting at the leader, but Mikey continued to stare at Leo as his other brothers helped him to his feet. The hate he had seen in his eyes before was gone and replaced with a dazed look as if the life was draining out of him. With an arm slung around each of his brothers, Mikey kept his gaze on where Leo sat, eyes brimming with tears.

"Guess we know why Dad never wanted us to settle our arguments with weapons."

 **Author's note: Hi guys! Hope you enjoyed this next installment of** _ **Fuse Box**_ **. My apologies if the fight sequence was dull. I have never written one before and intentionally kept it short. I really wanted to showcase Leo's poor state of mind and not bog it down with a clumsy action sequence.**

 **As always, I do appreciate the reviews! But more so hope you enjoy the tale. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: Hi guys! A shorter chapter this time. I really thought I would be finishing** _ **Fuse Box**_ **with this third chapter, but it made more sense to the flow of the story to make this section its own chapter. I'd like to say that the next post after this will be its conclusion, but obviously I should not make promises, especially since I originally aimed for this to be a one shot. :)**

 **Thank you for those of you who have left reviews! It always lovely to read them!**

"Mikey hold still!"

"D, it's no big deal! Really! Leo barely nicked me." That was a lie. Leo had definitely nicked him, but it wasn't like he was bleeding out. The youngest always got squirmy at his brother's fussing. Donatello went nuts over cuts, scrapes, and bruises. And Mikey did understand why; they lived in unfavorable conditions. As clean and dry as their home was, they still had the sewers to contend with. But jeez, it really wasn't that bad. Mikey had certainly been dealt more serious blows.

"He shouldn't have touched you at all!" Michelangelo looked up at the guttural growl from his brother. Raph was back to his classic, angry self. He had been stomping back and forth in the lab since the three of them retreated in the lab to care for Mikey's wound. To retreat from the crazy, wild turtle living in their home. As Raph rampaged, he would slam his fists on various surfaces, grunting and growling. "I mean, really Mikey, he attacked you! What in the literal hell was he thinking?!" _Slam!_ Fist against Donnie's tool chest. This caused a sigh from Donatello, but he chose to say nothing.

"Well," Mikey started sheepishly "I did push him. I knew what I said about Sensei was going to set him off, and I did it anyway. I just… wanted to get through to him. Shock the system, you know? Ah!" Mikey hissed as Donnie swabbed the antiseptic over his gash and looked down in time to see the site bubble as the cleansing solution did its job. Donnie, with his practice bedside manner, ignored his brother's complaint and moved on to prepping the syringe for the local anesthetic.

"Pushed or not, he shouldn't have reacted the way he did." Donnie murmured. "Here's the pinch." In went the syringe. Mikey hissed again. Donatello moved on to prepping the needle and suture. Mikey was always amazed at how deft his immediate older brother's fingers could be. They were large and flat, and yet Donnie had overcome those annoyances and could accomplish the most delicate things with them. It was possible that Mikey's amazement was rooted in the fact that he was a butterfingers himself, but he felt that Donnie had well earned his respect.

"Mikey…" D hesitated after addressing him. Mikey looked back down to see Donnie biting his lip. He could tell Donnie was trying to think through his words carefully before speaking. "Did you mean what you said? About Sensei?"

Mikey sighed. Did he? At the moment he certainly did. But he was also pretty jazzed up in that moment. Leo had this awful look in his eyes and was armed. Mikey would have been less than honest if he said the sight didn't freak him out. And Mikey wasn't a dummy, he understood the consequences of what he said. For the very first time he could think of, he had called out the possible flaws in their father. Not even Raph, the loose cannon himself, had ever said anything unfavorable about Splinter. Splinter had been held up onto the pedestal by the four sons. He was their protector and provider and did a hell of a lot for them in menial circumstances. Michelangelo was incredibly grateful for their father. Which made it difficult for Mikey to say. If he wasn't so bent on trying to reach Leo, he more than likely would have lost his nerve and left it alone. And truly, Mikey wasn't saying it to be heartless, it was a literal question he had been racking around in his brain.

 _But,_ he thought, _my timing could have been better. Sensei has barely been gone a month._

"Well… yeah," Michelangelo finally admitted. _Bang!_ Raph kicked Donnie's, thankfully empty, trash can and sent it flying into the garage door. Another sigh from Donnie. Mikey echoed the sound. "I also meant what I said about how much I love him. But… Sensei wasn't perfect. I guess I'm doing that gross growing up thing and starting to question a lot of what I believed. Like, dad _actually_ being killed by the Shredder? It always seemed like a bad dream, but never a reality. And, I felt pretty foolish. Like, why didn't Leo being totally out of it for three months not get the gears going? It also made me start thinking about how Sensei wasn't perfect. And that's ok that he wasn't. He loved us a lot and did the best he could. I mean, raising Raph's ugly mug had to be rough." Mikey smirked at his older brother, who gave him a growl of a response before _Whap!_ A flat palm against Donnie's workbench. Mikey was really impressed that Donnie hadn't lost it by now. On the other hand, Raph had not been aggressive for so long that it was quite likely the resident genius figured it was best to let him be. Mikey continued. "And I do think sensei didn't mean any harm by Leo. But… I think in maybe trying to prepare Leo how to lead us that the you-aren't-perfect-and-that's-ok message got lost along the way."

Donnie sighed, tears pricking the corner of his brown-red orbs. He stopped mid-stitch to look up at Mikey. He considered what he said, and it scared him. Because Mikey wasn't wrong. Another layer of this whole life-after-Sensei nonsense that they had been forced into. Splinter was always the voice of reason. Even when they didn't like what he had to say, at least someone always _knew_ what to say. There had been great comfort in that. And here the baby of the family was, asking hard questions about that comfort. As much as it stung, Donatello found he was very proud of his brother. Don smiled bitterly at his brother "When did you get so mature, little brother?"

"I took a pretty nasty bump from our last fight with the Shred-dude. That probably jacked something up." Mikey flashed a wink at Donnie. In response, the genius let out a tired chuckle then resumed his stitching. It didn't take long for the smile he had to die off his lips.

"He's getting even worse, quickly. I… just don't know what we can do." Donnie looked back up at Mikey, the defeated look back in his eye. The sorrow of their brother's current mental turmoil weighing heavy on him. He waved at Mikey's side, "I can fix stuff like this. Cuts and broken bones are one thing. But a mind… it's complicated and delicate. I have no idea where to suggest beginning with him. I… I don't know how to help him." The last few words got hitched in Donnie's throat, and both Raph and Mikey could hear the threat of a sob rising in his voice. Raph, who had set his sights on an innocent filing cabinet, suddenly stopped mid-punch. He dropped his shoulders and looking exasperatedly up at the ceiling, trying to find his cool. After a few deep breaths, he found himself calmed down enough and walked over to D. Once by his side, he grasped his shoulder and squeezed gently.

"It's gonna be alright Donnie. It isn't just on you to figure it out. We're all going to help looney-boy somehow."

"He… looked really awful after he saw that he actually hurt me. Like, he could have been punched right in the face by Rocksteady. I don't think we should leave him alone for long." Mikey knew Raph was still stewing over Leo's outburst and assumed that he wouldn't be jazzed for running after Leo so quickly, so he threw him his best puppy dog eyes at him. Raph responded to this by gently shoving Mikey in the head.

"Knock it off, Michael. We're going to check up on him as soon as Donnie finishes with ya."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys! Next installment! Good thing I didn't promise a conclusion last time. I'm making a career out of this story! In school, whenever we had a creative writing assignment, I always handed in long pieces. In 6** **th** **grade, I handed in over a 40-page manuscript and my teacher's eyes about popped out. I guess old habits die hard. Heh heh.**

 **Tomorrow is Part II of wisdom teeth surgery. Which may mean a slight delay in the next installment. I'm hoping not, but I'd rather be cautious and give a fair warning.**

 **As always, please review. But more so please enjoy the story!**

 **(Which reminds me: Wanda- bear through the chapter. I promise it will go in a direction you approve!)**

"Well the good news is Leo, you didn't kill Mikey. The bad news? I _am_ going to kill you." Raph's voice was burly as he went into the dojo. Mikey and Don sat on the couch at their older brother's request. Raph wanted a minute with Leo alone and had given Donnie the stink eye when the purple-clad brother tried to protest. Donnie relinquished and sat down, but not without returning the glare. Mikey watched as they silently communicated through their enlarged eyes.

 _Don't go picking another fight._

 _I don't think I'm the one who's gonna be looking._

Mikey understood. Raph just wanted to make sure that no one else was going to be harmed in Leo's warpath.

"Leo? Where are… aww man."

In unison, the B team stood up from the couch and began to slowly advance towards the dojo. The concern in Raph's voice was unmistakable, and it wigged the younger brothers out. When they got to the base of the stairs that led up to the dojo they both stopped. Mikey and Donnie stood still and waited with bated breath.

Only a moment passed before Raphael emerged from the dojo, head low as his looked at the object he held in his hands. It was the katana Leo had cut Mikey with. The blade still glistening with bits of their little brother's blood. Broken in half.

 _Aww crap._

Without skipping a beat, the three of them started searching the lair. Donnie began by trying Leonardo through his T-phone, which frustratingly had been left in his bedroom. The panic was back in Donnie and you could hear the anxiety as he started chattering on, to no one in particular, about the importance of keeping your communication device on at all times. Raph and Mikey just let him prattle on. They knew it was helping keep D from breaking out in a full-blown panic.

It didn't take long to scour the lair and when Leonardo was nowhere to be found the logical conclusion was that he was somewhere in the sewers or topside.

Raph raked a hand over his face. "Exactly what we need. A crazed Leo roaming the wild. A'ight, here is what we are going to do..." After a moment or two of hashing out loose plans, they were to split up. Raph would go topside and employ April and/or Casey's help if he could. Meanwhile, in the sewers, Don would take the east side of the tunnels and Mike would search the west. Check the usual spots, call in every ten minutes. Maybe it was the tension from the last few weeks. Maybe it was from needing to sew Mikey up. Maybe it was from the same freaking disappearing crap that any one of the brothers was known to pull. Whatever it was, it felt like time was short. If it hadn't already run out.

"I gotta grab my T-phone from my room." Mikey leaped up the stairs leading up to their bedrooms. He heard the _"Hurry up!"_ from his second eldest brother echo over the turnstiles, but it hardly registered. The worry in his heart felt like it was constricting his air flow and Mikey's lungs burned. A broken katana. Raph said its mate had been left intact but discarded carelessly across the dojo. The message was frightening. Leo _willingly_ broke a katana. He treated the stupid things like lifelines. Heck, they were lifelines. How many times had the three youngest had their shells saved because their brother happened to be one of the greatest swordsmen of all time? Mikey knew he was prone to exaggerate things, but he truly believed this to his core. Leo was gifted with his blades. He loved his craft. Leo intentionally destroying a blade was unthinkable.

Mikey didn't waste any time upon arrival to his room. His T-phone had been left on his bed and was an easy snatch. Michelangelo closed the door quickly and, like he did every time he left his room, did his customary sweep of looking at all the doors in the hallway. Raph's, Leo's, Donnie's…

 _Father's._

Mikey stared dumbly at the last door, forgetting momentarily what he was doing. The burning feeling in his lungs felt worse. Mikey found himself wondering what Splinter would do if he was here. That was part of the constant conflict of his admission to Leo. Did dad screw up somewhere? Was Mikey being unfair to their father? He found that the thoughts made him miss his father even more than he thought possible. Grieving was confusing at best and suffocating at worse.

Then something else occurred to him. They never checked Splinter's room.

Mikey slowly approached the door, his breath hitched. The room had only been breached once, by Leo actually, in the absence of their father. He had only gone in because they wanted a fresh robe to bury Splinter in. Otherwise, the room had remained untouched. The grief was just too fresh, and all the boys found it too painful to be in there. Which is why it hadn't been checked earlier in the search for Leo. Mikey gently placed his hand against the door and brought the side of his head against it to listen.

And sure enough, he heard a quiet sob.

He stood back and stared at the door. Mikey did _not_ feel ready to step into this room. It was too soon. The room had been a source of comfort for so long but now it was a reminder of what they had lost. Growing up if the boys had been sick, scared, or sad they would seek the relief of their father.

 _Oh._ It suddenly clicked why Leo had chosen to come here.

The orange-clad brother pulled out his T-Phone and began typing.

 **Found him. Never left. Dad's room.** _Send_

He put his T-phone back into his belt. It was painful, but he could do this, he _had_ to do this. Mikey took in a deep breath before pushing open the door.

The room was dim, but the first thing that hit Mikey was the scent of the room. Herbal teas and incense. It smelled just like Sensei. The tears hit him immediately.

The next thing that caught Mikey was the sound of another sob. Scanning the room, it didn't take long for Michelangelo to locate Leonardo. Once his eyes landed on their father's bed, he could make out the rounded shape of his brother's carapace under the blanket. But nothing else. Mikey went wide-eyed.

Leo was completely tucked into his shell. Something none of them had done since they were very small.

Gingerly Mikey walked over to the bed. Leo was dead center, but the mattress was large enough that the younger brother could easily curl up alongside. Michelangelo lifted up one corner of the frayed comforter and slid right in. Since Leo was hidden inside his shell, Mikey couldn't quite tell what his reaction was to the sudden company. After a few moments of quiet, breathy sobs from the eldest, Mikey began rubbing his carapace.

"I'm ok bro."

There was another couple of beats before another sob rattled out. "No thanks to me!"

"Leo, it really wasn't that bad. You know how much of a baby I can be."

Sniffles came in response. Mikey gave it a minute before trying again.

"Leo, we're worried bro. Like, scared to death worried. We want to help. _I_ want to help. But it's kind of hard to do if you're tucked away."

Mikey was greeted with more silence. He sighed inwardly. This was leagues better than angry Leo, but still unhelpful. But, as Mikey was thinking through his next move, Leo slowly began to unfurl himself from his shell. Once his head was completely visible, he took in a large breath before opening his eyes. Sapphire eyes that were bloodshot and swollen, full of fear, regret, and confusion. Mikey couldn't help himself from blinking a few times at the sight. His big brother looked like a lost child.

Then it occurred to him that's because Leo was.

"Leo, what is the matter, dude? Please tell me." Mikey softly pleaded. This was absolutely breaking his heart.

Leo sucked in another breath before letting it out shakily. Fat tears slid out of the corners of his eyes and blurred his vision. He wasn't sure where to start with the question Michelangelo had presented him with. In thinking it over, Leo suddenly remembered the dojo and his katana again. Even bigger tears began to run freely as he brought a hand to the side of Mikey's face.

"Are you really OK, otōto?" Leo's voice barely came above a whisper and it was burning with shame. Mikey laid his own hand on top of his brother's and sighed. When Leo was feeling particularly vulnerable he always reverted to using Japanese terms. When they were little, Splinter's affection for them always reflected elements of his Japanese heritage. It was comforting. The boys, somehow, had understood that there were few for miles around that could readily understand the meaning behind the words. And because it was Splinter's native tongue, the words were spoken with a sweetness that just wasn't matched in his English. So naturally, the boys picked up the same habits.

"Yeah ani, I really am. The pain meds Donnie gave me are the best!" Mikey, of course, was trying to be lighthearted but as soon as the words fell out of his mouth he regretted it. The look that flashed over Leo's face was pure anguish. He had hurt Mikey enough that he required relief for the pain. Now overcome, Leo brought both hands to his face and allowed the floodgates to break loose. The sobs just wracked through his body, grief howling out from his lungs.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

"Leo, I'm sorry. I was just trying to be funny. That was so my bad."

"I c-c-could've… k-illed you!" Leo could barely gasp out words between the sobs "I… l-lost com-plete control!" His body shuddered violently as he let out another ghastly wail. "My… lost" _hiccup_ "Allll-most cost… your life!" As the word 'life' ripped out of Leo's mouth he balled his fist up and screwed them into his eye sockets, trying banishing images from his mind. He quickly inhaled several sharp breaths before devolving into another series of sobs. Mikey just sat through it all silently, gently stroking the top of his brother's head as he finally let it all out. He spilled his own tears as he watched him writhing in torment. When Leo had calmed down enough from the sobbing, he quietly confessed. "Mike… I ca-ca-can't take… anymore… life."


	5. Chapter 5

Mikey froze. Leo's words had been muddied due to the tears, but Mikey knew something crucial was just spoken. Like, mondo piece of the puzzle crucial. He desperately wanted to press his brother, so he could get a better understanding, but he waited. Leo was still pouring out at least 3 weeks worth of pent-up emotions, if not more.

 _No, definitely more._ So instead of pressing, the young turtle just wrapped his arms around Leo and wept with him.

Mikey wasn't sure how long they remained that way. It could have been days for all he knew. What he did know for sure, was once Leo finally started to calm down, there was a softness to his breath. Gentle and weak. It may have been because he just screamed lungs out hoarse from the sobbing, but Mikey found it gave him a glimmer of hope. Because for once, in a long time, it didn't sound _angry_. He opened his eyes and saw Leo's arm draped over his eyes, his body relaxed. He almost looked like he had casually fallen asleep on the couch after a movie night. Gosh, it had been so long since they had one of those.

Mikey was also surprised to find that Raph and Donnie had joined them. Realizing they must have snuck in while they had been crying. While there had been room for Mikey to crawl in alongside Leo, there was no way two more teenagers were going to be lying in this particular bed. So Raph and Don had made themselves comfortable on either end of the bed, keeping a silent vigil over their grieving brother. Donnie looked down and made eye contact with Mikey and offered him a weak smile. Mike returned it, thankful for this moment together. Nestling back down, he returned to his task of cuddling the eldest while he waited for Leo to be ready to speak. Now that he was calmer, it didn't take long.

"Mike. I am so, so sorry." Leo's voice was gravelly "You're right, I have been an angry pain in the ass. I've just… been so confused."

"It's been hard bro."

"That doesn't mean I should make it harder. I know I've been impossible, and I'm so sorry for that. I just… don't know what to do going forward. And that scares the hell out of me." Mikey knew Leo admitting he was scared was difficult for him.

"But Leo, that is what I was trying to tell you. Just because you're the leader doesn't mean you have to go it all alone. You're our brother first, leader second. We are all here for you, with you."

"I'm supposed to be the one you can count on. Instead, I almost killed you. Master Splinter said that if he were gone it would be my job to be like a father to this family." The words came barely above a whisper. Mikey blinked. He couldn't have heard that right.

"He told you _what_?" Raph asked in disbelief. He had been leaning against the wall but was now propped up and sitting forward, looking in Leo's direction. The sound of his immediate younger brother's voice made Leo shrink deeper into the bed. Mikey could see the red rising in Raph's cheeks. He could tell he was trying desperately to keep his temper in check. "Why would he- how could?" Raph let out an exasperated sigh. "Leo… that shouldn't be on your shoulder's bro. We would rather you be our brother. We _need_ our big brother. That was totally wrong of dad to put that on you."

"But dad was right! You need someone who can make the impossible decisions! That shouldn't be your burden to bear!" Leo was getting worked up again. His breath had picked up the pace and was dangerously close to another round of tears. Mikey began stroking the top of Leo's head again.

"Shhhhh Leo, it's ok." Mikey kept his voice low and soothing.

"But it's not!" Leo suddenly sat ram-rod straight up in the bed, close to hyperventilating. His eyes were wide and brimming with unshed tears. This startled the three other brothers, and they found themselves assuming the same straight posture. "I need to be the strong one! I'm the one who has been entrusted to protect you, not be the reason you get hurt! Your safety is the top priority, and I cannot fail father in this. So why do I feel so damn guilty for taking the Shredder's life?!"

The room fell in silence. Nobody said anything for a long time. Donnie, Mikey, and Raph just stared at Leo, unsure of what to say. Leo was clutching the comforter in his hands, knuckles stiff and white.

"Leo…" Raph reached out to him, but Leo just smacked his hand away.

"No! You must hate me for how weak I am! How can I feel guilty for ending our family's biggest threat?! There was no other way for it to be dealt with. He killed father! I avenged his death like the honorable son that I was raised to be. And if the Shredder lived he wouldn't have rested until he hunted us all and destroyed us. Yet all I can see if my hands lifting his head from his shoulders. The man was pure evil. But…" His voice shuddered and almost died away as he spoke the last few words "I took his life. On purpose."

All of a sudden, the three of them smashed into Leo and encircled him with their arms. Leo sat stiffly, surprised by the affectionate attack from his brothers. The next thing anyone knew, they were all a teary mess, trying to think of the right words to say.

"Leo," Donnie was the first voice to break the pause, "How could we possibly hate you?"

"Seriously bro. I betcha Shredder never blinked about anyone he snuffed out! You knew how evil the Shred-dude was and you still hated having to do what you did!" Mikey squeezed tighter as he praised his brother. He thought back on that night, the movie glamour he had associated with it now gone. His poor brother. The first tenant they had all been taught; Life is valuable. Ninjutsu should only end a life if there is no other way. They all took it seriously, but Leo especially. Since they had been topside the priority had always been to save as many lives as possible. At all cost, only harm fatality if left with no other options. There had inevitably been casualties over the years. Someone didn't clear out of the way from a bomb going off or got out from the fire that broke out. But the causalities had never been intentional and to the best of their knowledge never anyone innocent.

Yet with the Shredder, they went in with one objective. End him. And Mikey's brave brother who strove to uphold their view of life his whole seventeen years had been suffering the consequences alone. Mikey blinked at that thought. Suddenly he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. A small sob escaped from his lips. "Leo… you were alone. We got separated from you and you had to do it _alone_. That must have been horrible."

"Mikey, are you kidding me? I'm so thankful you guys weren't there. None of you have to carry that burden-"

"Now you listen to me Leonardo," Raph grabbed Leo's face in his hands. His eyes were burning with tears, but they looked hard at Leo, commanding his attention. "You listen to me good. What we have gone through as a family is hellish. It's damn unfair. Your right, killing the Shredder was the only way to make things right. But it is ok that it still sucks. You are not weak for hating the fact that you had to kill someone. It is what separates you from Shredder and makes you the amazing leader you are. But you aren't bearing this by yourself anymore. _Period_. We won't let you. We don't need you to be a damn father. You need to let us be your brothers." Without warning, Raph lunged into Leo, throwing his arms around his neck. He hugged him tightly, sobbing into his neck. "Please Leo… come back to us. We… _I_ need you. Now, more than ever."

Through Raph's lecture, Leo maintained his gaze with him, but the tears ran freely. Now, at the admission of Raphael's need of him, Leo began to weep bitterly. He encircled his arms around him and hugged him back as tightly as he could. Donnie and Mikey, who had given the two eldest space during this time, now joined the sob pile. For the first time in the wake of the tragedy, the four brothers held each other and grieved together. After a few moments, Leo quietly whispered, "Thanks guys.", then grabbed onto his brothers even tighter.

The road ahead was still long a long one for him, but Mikey had no doubt that the path of healing had begun for Leo. The switch had finally been flipped back right where it should be, and the energy could flow again.

 **Author's note: And that is a wrap! I hope you enjoyed this final installment! I struggled with writer's block on this last leg, and I hope it came out alright. I knew what I wanted to say but had the most difficult time framing it. Poor Leo. I really was quite angry with Splinter in the episode** _ **Requiem**_ **for telling Leo that he would need to be a father-like figure for his brothers. I think I understand where he's coming from, he wants to make sure his boys are protected, but goodness man let the kid be a kid sometimes. Ah well, I don't write the official stuff. ;)**

 **I have another piece that's been in the hopper and that I'm going to start working on. I hope to have out in the next week or so!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **All-the-years**


End file.
